Are we commanded to be “nice”? For too long we have allowed an unbelieving world to tell us what it looks like to be a Christian. So what does the Bible actually say about it?
One of my favorite preachers, Voddie Baucham, Jr., is known to point out that, in our society today, “There is an 11th commandment. The 11th commandment is ‘Thou shalt be nice,’ and we don’t believe the other ten.” Unfortunately, this belief has snuck into the church and given Christians an excuse not to call out sin. We are so afraid of offending that we don’t speak truth even though we know that the truth is what sets people free from their captivity to sin (John 8:31-32).
You might be thinking that the Bible tells us to be kind and to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15 & 32) so, of course, we should be nice! But loving truth does not equal watered-down truth. Biblical kindness does not mean affirming or enabling sinful behavior. When Scripture talks about unity, it doesn’t mean unity at the expense of righteousness, but unity through righteousness. While there is no excuse for rudeness, name-calling, or mocking, there is definitely a time to be blunt and direct. Tiptoeing around the truth and leaving room for misunderstanding does not meet the standards of kindness or love set forth in Scripture.
For too long, we have allowed the world to tell us what it means to be a Christian. We have allowed the world to set the rules for the church based on a worldly interpretation of Scripture. While worldly “wisdom” tells us that we shouldn’t hurt the sinner’s feelings, biblical kindness is concerned more with the sinner’s eternal destiny than temporary offense. It isn’t loving to neglect to tell someone the truth that will save his soul; in fact, it is selfish because we care more about our own temporary comfort than his eternity.
No matter where you land on the debate about election versus free will, Scripture is clear that we believe because we hear the Gospel (Romans 10:14). As Christians, it is our job to tell people the truth so they can hear it and believe. Not wanting to step on toes, not being liked, or not wanting to offend are not defensible excuses for not sharing God’s plan for His creation.
Imagine You’re on a Plane…
I want to tweak an illustration I first heard from Ray Comfort in his book, The Way of the Master. Imagine you are on a plane with several other people, and during the emergency instructions you’ve heard a million times, an announcement is added informing everyone that, at some point during the flight, the plane is going to crash. You don’t know when this is going to happen, but you know there will come a time when you will need to bail out of the plane. Because of this knowledge, you don a parachute. This is a unique parachute because you only have to put it on. When it’s time for you to jump, the parachute will do all of the work. You don’t have to pull the ripcord or even build up the courage to take the plunge. All you have to do is wear the parachute.
There are other people on the plane with you, and there is a parachute for each person, but no one else is wearing one. Maybe they didn’t hear the announcement because they tuned it out with all of the others. Maybe they think it isn’t true; it’s just the airline trying to manipulate them. Or maybe they are waiting until it’s necessary to put the parachute on.
You grow concerned for their safety and start asking them why they haven’t put their parachutes on. One woman tells you that the parachute will mess up her hair and ruin her outfit, so she doesn’t want to wear it. Her appearance and reputation are too important to her.
Another passenger points out the fabric of the parachute. It is too itchy and will be uncomfortable. It will rub him the wrong way and make him miserable. He might even end up with a rash that will make others laugh at him.
Still another passenger tells you he doesn’t need the parachute; he can save his own life if the plane goes down. After all, he spends so much time at the gym that he is strong enough to endure anything that might come his way.
The final passenger has plans for this flight. She brought some things to do, and if she puts on the parachute, it will hinder her mobility, and she won’t be able to follow through with her plans.
Everyone heard the announcement that the plane will crash, so you simply put your parachute on and hope that you can show them how much better it would be if they did the same. Perhaps they will simply learn from your example. Then you lean back, close your eyes, and pray the plane will crash soon.
Should You Be Nice?
Hopefully you can see the correlation. Can you see how, at the risk of offending one of these passengers, it is still better to share the truth with them? Your appearance and reputation aren’t worth your life. A little discomfort is a small price to pay to save your life. You can’t be strong enough to save yourself. Changing your lifestyle is worth saving your life even if it means you can’t do the things you have always done before. And simply living by example isn’t enough to show others that they need to make a change.
In the same way, we can’t keep silent about the Gospel because turning to Jesus might ruin someone’s reputation, require them to change their lifestyle, or force them to recognize they can’t save themselves. Relying on lifestyle evangelism in hopes that they will learn from our example isn’t enough, either. We don’t know when, but soon this world will come to an end, and after that, we all face an eternal destination. Hunkering down and simply waiting for it to end, repeating, “even so, come quickly, Lord,” isn’t fulfilling our responsibility.
Eternal Perspective
Everything we say and do must be done with eternity in mind. It doesn’t matter if you offend someone with the Gospel if your goal is to spend eternity right next to her in the presence of God. Affirming someone’s sinful lifestyle is actually unkind because that lifestyle will lead him to eternity apart from God. Because this life is all we know, we often forget this life is a vapor (James 4:14). The decisions I make in this life determine the course of my eternity, and that course can’t be altered at that point. We must take advantage of now!
One of the things that has become abundantly clear to me over the last few years is just how much our grip on eternity, or lack thereof, affects our daily choices and actions. It is easy to say we believe something until the rubber meets the road, and we are forced to live it out. But we will never get a grip on eternity unless we spend time with the creator of eternity. The more time you spend in the Word of God, the greater your knowledge and understanding of Who He is and how He operates. And that gives you confidence to live in light of eternity rather than fearing man.
Christian, stop allowing the world to tell you how you should behave, what you can and cannot say and do, and what the Bible means. When we take the time to read and study the Word for ourselves, we get to know God, and this gives us the courage to speak truth to this lost and dying world.
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